wikialityfandomcom-20200214-history
Great Britain
Great Britain: great Britain, or the greatest Britain? Along with Ireland and weenie little Britain, Great Britain is one of the three main British Isles. British History See Main Article: British History Britain was conquered by the French in 1066. They were led by William Wallace the Conquerer. Great Britain Today Great Britain Geography British Climate The sun does not set on the British Empire, but only because the sun doesn't shine on the British Empire. If that were to happen all British people would burst into flames. British Landmarks Hadrian's wall was built to keep the English out of Scotland, but it failed as all Scottish projects do. British Politics Every four years the Queen declares an election is to take place. A week later all British citizens flock to the Parliament building and place their right hand upon it. Whoever lasts the longest gets to rule. British Government Since the demise of End-of-the-Pier shows, What the Butler Saws, Knobbly Knees Competitions, Billy Smart's Circus and so on in the late 1950s, the British have compensated for the lack of poltroons, fools, knaves, wastrels, clowns et caetera in public life by "electing" them to "Parliament" from whence they "Govern" the "Country". This adds immensely to the gaiety of the Nation whilst bewildering foreigners, which was mostly the point. Observances Religious Britain is a religiously diverse nation, with religions running the gamut from Godless Heathen Paganism to Free Masonry. Non-Religious America Junior will be adding Independence Day as one of their holidays. However in this Godless country it will be know as "Good Riddance" day instead. It will be celebrated by Her Majesty's loyal subjects politely sipping tea and pointedly not throwing it into the ocean. The Tabloids And Other Media All British people get their news from The Sun. They get their comedy from the BBC. Famous People From Great Britain Oliver Cromwell: British Patriot A Typical Day In Great Britain Get up. Forget to brush teeth and get dressed. Watch cricket on the televsion while eating breakfast consisting of two pigs and an unborn chicken. Run from house to catch late train singing 'God Save the Queen'. Get to office. Whinge with colleagues about fat Americans and the French whilst desperately trying to do as little work as possible. In quiet moments muse about former imperial glory. Leave work and go to the pub. Get steaming drunk as quickly as possible before going home to eat something very fatty and swear at the television. Go to bed. Repeat. Strange Laws in Great Britain It is illegal to be Irish in Britain. British Oddities Everything. Great Britain, England Or The United Kingdom: Which Is It? Make Up Your Minds Already! Listen it's really quite simple. 'England' is a country in the 'United Kingdom of England, (Northern) Ireland Scotland and Wales'. However it really pisses those Celts off when you refer to their countries as England, so please do carry on doing that. 'Great Britain' is not actually a real country, but exists as the collective hallucination of the inhabitants of the U.K. It resembles the real United Kingdom in many ways, except it is a really great place to live, rather than the miserable rainy shit-hole of Europe we all really know it to be. This mass delusion that we are really great was even stronger a few hundred years ago, and was one of the driving reasons we enslaved half the world into our British Empire. You see, it was really a charitable gesture, we just wanted the rest of the world to be as great as we thought we were. It turns out the rest of the world didn't appreciate being told what to do by a bunch of pasty pansies with bad teeth. Modern Britain is still coming to terms with the fact that it might not be that great after all. Dentistry Oral hygiene is believed to be a myth propagated by the elusive "tooth fairy." She is used to frighten children into not flossing. Rain The Monarchy Great Britain is an absolute Monarchy, this means all power and decision making responsibily lies with HRH Elizabeth II the Frump, Gawd bless her. However due to her extreme laziness she usually allows 'the government' to do all the hard day to day running of the country. This leaves her days free to do what she really loves - squandering her ever diminishing fortune at the races. This terrible addiction is the only flaw in Great Britain's otherwise perfect Monarch, and is the cause of much sadness among her subjects. Every year the Beloved Leader addresses her loyal subjects on Christmas day, as being a scientologist she does not acknowledge or celebrate the birthday of our dear lord Jesus Christ, so does not take it off. It is traditional for her subjects to gather round the television and stand upright saluting for the entire duration of her speech. Failure to watch the Queen's speech is punishable by death, or worse being exiled to France. This is the only crime for which the death penalty is still reserved, and quite rightly so. Wimbledon See main article: Wimbledon Tea Lets all have a nice hot cup of tea now shall we? Has anyone got any biscuits? Cricket Cricket is a "sport" played on grasshoppers or something. Once And Future Colonies America, Mars, Sweden New Motto Prime Minister Gordon Brown has asked all his British subjects to help Great Britain to find a motto for their Great Empire. "We don't want anything as gay as France's Liberté, égalité, fraternité (The liberty to surrender is equal for all Frenchmen)," Mr. Brown said through a spokesman, "and America's motto ("In God We trust") is a reflection of their nation in God's Holy Eyes, which we certainly aren't. So, we have to find something else that reflects our place in the world somewhere between France and America." Wikiality.com will provide this small place to assist Mr. Brown in this endeavor. Please post your suggestions for a new motto for Great Britain below. Suggest A New Motto * The French are snail eating poofs, and America is fat '' * ''Brush After Every Meal and Get Some Sun * Blair may have been Bush's little puppy dog, but france is our BITCH! * Our "Queen" has bigger jewels and ain't afraid to show 'em '' * ''No one thinks we're cool anymore... sigh * TEA!!!!!! AND BISCUITS!!!! AND CRUMPETS!!!!! WTF IS THAT STUFF?!??? * Allways look on the bright side of life (half should sing it, while the other half should do the whistling) * POWWWERRRRRRRRR!!!! - Jeremy Clarkson External Tubes *Britain becomes new World Capital of Cocaine... sorry Bolivia, maybe next year *Queen of England supports the free market! *British Police discovers new ice cream flavor! *Damn tea-sucking British Stole our Declaration of Independence!! *Shocking News: British People can haz orgasm!! category:Countries that surrendered to France